Prostitution

So let me start with, I've been up since 5:20 on my day to sleep in. Why? Well, who wouldn't want to catch 'Late Night Gifts' on QVC. No, but really....

My day yesterday was one big cluster. I was supposed to drop off the girls at the babysitter, go to a meeting at work, and then get things done. Lots of thing. Great plan, only it required me to actually put their bag in my car instead of leaving it in the garage. So I showed up to the babysitter (who is 1/2 hr away) with no diapers, no lunch, no milk for the baby. Needless to say I picked them up after my meeting and got nothing accomplished.

We were supposed to go to the mall last night and see Santa. In my brain this meant my husband would be home by 5:30, we'd be at the mall by 6, and we'd miss the big line because all the responsible parents would be feeding their children dinner. Well, said husband didn't quite get that memo from my brain, so by the time we got to the mall there was a really long line. He acted shocked like he expected us to be the only other people at the mall, 2 Fridays before Xmas. His statement was "No way. If we wait in this line in and Lil doesn't get on Santa's lap I'm going to kill her. In front of all of these people. That won't be good."

And so we left. By this point it was 7:00 and we hadn't eaten yet. So obviously he had the great idea of not eating right there in the food court, but going to a diner by our house. So, 7:30 we sat down to eat dinner. (with a 2 year old who had lunch at 11:30)

Dinner was actually pretty good. When it was time to go N went up to pay and ordered me a GIANT piece of chocolate cake to go.

After eating the cake he insinuated that maybe after he did that nice thing for me I would want to do something 'nice' for him. Um...did you just prepay for sex with chocolate cake?

ELVES

The plural of elf is elves. NOT elf's.

Elf's is used when something belongs to a single elf: Look at that elf's hat. 

Elves is more than one elf: There are three elves running around outside. 

Who made this mistake? My trashy visitor. She captioned a photo "My two favorite elf's." Ugh. 

I am THAT blogger

There is nothing that I hate more (okay, I'm totally exaggerating) than when I go to check one of my favorite blogs and it hasn't been updated in awhile. Welp, I'm guilty as charged. I apologize.

What you've missed:

*Visitors- My sister, her boyfriend, and his dog came on Tuesday night and stayed through Sunday.Usually my sister comes, says hi, and runs errands for days (because there are no stores in Washington, DC). This time she made a point to spent time with the kids. It was really nice. We also asked her to be baby C's Godmother (she is L's Godmother, as well). I was really sad to see them go back on Sunday.

*Thanksgiving- We had a really laid back day, and it was great. We went to my grandparents' for dinner and on the way home N and I discussed that the goal of a holiday is to forget we have children- meaning, there are other people to take care of our kids and we can just relax. My grandparents' house is as close as we will ever come to that. We calculated 3 sets of people to entertain the children before they get to us.

*Shopping- I was 'those' people and went shopping on Thanksgiving night. I didn't rush my family time and just went out after L went to bed. It was great. I was home by 11, in bed by 12, and I had all of Friday to hang out. My sister and I cheated the system at Kohl's and we skipped the 45 minute line and just checked out at Customer Service- apparently you can check out there and no one else knew! Score. I came home and ordered the rest of my shopping list on Amazon.

*Stress- N's job is not going well....and I think that's an understatement. So I'm preparing to go back to work and he's preparing to look for a job. This doesn't bother me, but he gets super stressed and doesn't handle it well. 

Okay...nothing really exciting, but now you're caught up. I promise I'll be better now.

PS. Is anyone watching "The Sound of Music" with Carrie Underwood? I want to be Carrie Underwood. 

You Know Dasher and Dancer....

The FedEx man was just here. He was acting funny, but I chalked it up to the rain and the extra packages he's delivering due to the holidays.

And then, a half hour later, L asked me to give her reindeer back.

Weekend in Review

So this was the first weekend it really felt like winter- and it sucked.

Saturday we got up and went to the Please Touch Museum. Have you been there? It's freaking awesome. It's all kinds of little play rooms and the kids just play and pretend. L had a great time and Baby C was actually very cooperative.

Saturday night my in-laws came over- you can imagine how much fun that was. My MIL insists on using a super high-pitched voice when speaking to the children. She had Baby C crying in the first 30 seconds she was in my house. N even said, "Yo Mom, cool it with that voice." to which she responded "They like it." Um. NO. They do not like their ear drums feeling like they are going to shatter. And I do not like it. And your husband does not like it. And your son does not like it. WE do NOT like it. So cool it with that high-pitched voice, or just stay outside.

Another thing. Now, I know that my children are the most beautiful children on the planet. Really. They are. However, there are times to take pictures and there are times when having your camera in someone's face in just annoying.

A holiday- normal.
Eating dinner on Sunday- annoying.
A birthday party- normal.
While I'm cleaning L's face- annoying.

It's weird to me that MIL brings her camera to my house every time she comes over, but honestly, it is terribly annoying to have my picture taken when I'm wearing no makeup, wearing sweat pants, and eating dinner. She is the type of person who takes pictures of everything, but they're not good pictures. When she got back from her vacation to Alaska a few months ago she sat us down to show us over 300 pictures. There were only people in 7 of them- I counted. I just don't get the point.

Oh well. This is Thanksgiving week and I will be thankful. (and I will eat :) )

Trash in her Blood

So the other day I mentioned that I had a surprise visitor. It was N's cousin's girlfriend. I have been stewing about her all week, and now I'm ready to vent. This is MY blog, so I'm allowed to be judgy, right?
 
So 'Cousin Kyle' and Nolan have always been really close and we were very close with his ex-fiancé. They broke up, which is fine, but within a few weeks he had moved in with this new girlfriend. Not a big deal when you're a grown up- do your thing. BUT, there's more that makes me judge.
 
1. Her hair is maroon. It looks stringy, long, and maroon.
2. She says 'yous', 'crowns' (instead of crayons) and other North Philly words. NOTHING against anyone from Northern Philadelphia, but the rest of the country does not speak like that.
3. She let a guy she just met move into her house with her and her 4 year old son without really knowing him.
4. Sunday morning she got ready for an hour and a half before coming downstairs. I made breakfast when I knew she was awake. Needless to say breakfast was cold when we finally ate.
5. She was joking about having to take pregnancy tests a lot. Um...one kid by accident- sure- but didn't you learn a lesson? Um...it's not a joke when you're a grown up.
 
#3 is the one that I really can't handle. Now I understand that she is from a very broken family situation and doesn't really know what stability looks like, but I just can't be okay with this. She lives with her grandparents and her son, but she let Kyle move right in. When they dated for a few weeks he lived about 2 1/2 hours away from her so even when they saw each other it wasn't a normal dating situation- he slept over. I don't have experience introducing my child to my boyfriend, but I know that if I was in that situation I would not have someone around my child until I was very, very sure that was someone who was going to be around for a long time.
 
And what kind of people are these grandparents of hers? It's great that they let their granddaughter and her son move in with them. But who lets the granddaughter's new boyfriend move right in? I know Kyle well and he is a great guy, but they don't know that!

Now you're thinking- what about Kyle's responsibility? Yeh, tell me about it. Monday night I spent 20 minutes telling Nolan what an awful person Kyle is now. In order to get the job he has he needed to have an address in the town where they live- I get that, but there are cheap apartments wherever you are. I just have such a problem with moving someone in with a child.

Nolan assured me there's not a shot in hell they'll stay together, but honestly I'm afraid she's going to try to get knocked up. She's that kind of trashy.

Christmas Shopping

I LOVE Christmas Shopping. Honestly, I love giving gifts, period. I put a lot of thought into what I buy.

This year I'm having an awful time figuring out what to buy for Baby C. Everything she needs- we have. Every toy she'll use in the next year- we have. And I HATE the idea of bringing more toys into this house. She doesn't need clothes because she's the same size in the same seasons as L.

Also, I have everything picked out an in my Amazon and Target carts. But I want to wait for Black Friday and see if I can get better sale prices. Also, I think I'm going to get Amazon Prime just so when I order my stuff it comes right away. I am very impatient when I order something and it takes days to come.

I also have no idea what to get my grandmother. She. has. everything. I could go with a gift card, but while I LOVE getting gift cards, I really don't like giving them. I love hunting for a present and seeing the person love what I picked out.

I am very pleased with my first purchase. I got my sister a Keurig- and I got it for $60. That's half price, people. Score.

Well, I'm addicted to my Black Friday app and it just told me that Amazon's ad came out- so I'm going to spend some time looking at those things and hopefully an idea will just pop into my head.

Weekend Wrap up- Visitor Edition

So this weekend had a plan: N's cousin was going to come hang out Saturday and Sunday. They would play video games, watch football, and do man things. The girls and I would just relax, go shopping , watch Bravo, and  do whatever I wanted.

Not. What. Happened. Kyle (the cousin) lives with his new girlfriend, whom we hadn't met. I asked N about 20 times last week to double check that Kyle was coming alone. It didn't matter, but I like to clean a little extra and plan on having company, ya know. "Oh no, Steph. Kyle keeps talking about how excited he is to play video games....she's definitely not coming."

So N texts Kyle to ask his ETA, which was 14 minutes, and then Kyle says "She's so shy. She's nervous to meet you." UMMMM.... I f'in told you, N.

So I had 14 minutes to shower and make my house look like I was expecting some girl I'd never met to come stay for the weekend.

It turned out fine, but not how I planned my weekend. I think I'll write more about their situation tomorrow, because I need to think it over a bit, but she was nice.

Next time I'll verify the number of visitors myself.

Early Christmas

 

Today we got a shed. Why is this exciting? Well, it's really not. Other than hopefully now I can walk in my garage. We moved in less than a year ago but have acquired WAY too much stuff in the past year. We have a 2 car garage, but if things keep up like this we won't be able to fit any cars in it. Right now I can't even open the car door and walk by- which is a HUGE hassle when you have a 2yo and a baby in a carrier.

 

 

It's hard to see, but there is about a foot between the edge of the crap and my car. I'm pretty sure I'm going to run over my husband's precious things if he doesn't move them out of my way tonight!

The bad news is they jacked up my lawn with their truck and now my backyard looks like corrugated cardboard

Weekend In Review

Well good morning. Yes, it's very early because I have a two year old who sits in her room and watches out the window for the first glimmer of sunshine and then yells until I wake up and get her out of her room.

This weekend was just a weekend. On Saturday morning my husband and his friend (who is an electrician) did a bunch of electrical work at my house. That means I didn't have power or heat for most of Saturday. That. was. awesome.

Sunday morning we were determined to go to church for the first time in over 2 years. Well, God apparently didn't want to see us because baby C slept for less than 4 hours on Saturday night.

I did some Christmas shopping at Kohls. God, I love me some Kohls' cash. I got some shoes. I also got this baby:

 

Apparently it's good with pet hair. I had another brand but it sucked. When I mentioned to hubster that I was going to buy a new one he said, "Oh yea. The old one was good until I used it to suck up all that dry-wall and dust." Thanks. I would have bought another one a long time ago if I knew the one I was using was clogged up with dry-wall.

I also decided to take on two 'small' projects. I bought a template to make a felt Advent Calendar. It could be an epic fail because I'm supposed to use my sewing machine for part of it- I'm hoping I can just use glue.

Secondly, I want to make these growth charts for the girls.

I'm not quite sure how exactly I'm going to make these turn out awesome. But I will. Or, they could fail.



I always love the Pinterest Fails. We've all been there. Hopefully my new projects are not PinFail worthy!

I'm Dating Again

When it comes to friends I've always liked the saying,
"I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies."

I consider myself to be a really good friend, and I have really good friends.  But I've been thinking lately- how often do we make new friends as an adult? After college you get a new job and make a few friends, but after that- do we really meet many new people?

That is, until you have kids. It's hard because once you have kids the friendships start out about the kids and you sit back and watch each other parent. Then it's time to evaluate whether this is someone you would want to call a friend.

Now I feel like I'm dating all over again. Specifically, I'm dating two women. 

My first 'other woman' is my neighbor. She lives 2 doors down and has a daughter L's age and is due in Dec. with a little boy. We've gotten the girls together a lot over the last few months and I've really enjoyed our time together. We haven't gotten together as families (though we've each tried once), but I wonder when/if it will turn into the two of us doing things by ourselves. It's tough to not over-do it with trying to be friendly, but I don't want to see stand-offish either. I really want her to be my best friend- haha - because it's so convenient. Right now it's hard because my C is still miserable when I'm not around, but I'd love to go out for drinks some night- maybe after she has the baby so she doesn't think I'm just using her as a DD.

My second 'other woman' is a girl I went to high school with. We were never friends in high school and don't really have many mutual friends. A few months ago I sent her a FB message to ask for ideas of what to do with L in the area. She invited us over to play with her and her little girl, who is  a few months younger than L. Well, our relationship has taken off. We parent very similarly and really get along. After we hung out last time she sent me a text and told me that I was 'refreshing' and that she really liked spending time with me. Okay, that sounds weird, but it wasn't- it was like a guy saying he enjoyed that night's date. So yesterday she took it to the next level and asked me to hang out without the girls. I couldn't because germs have infested our house and everyone's sick, but I was really excited to get invited out.

Okay, so this sounds like I'm pathetic. But really, when is the last time you made a new friend that you didn't go to high school, college, or work with?

Weekend in Review

If I had to describe my weekend in one word?

Fail

If I had to describe my weekend in two words?

Epic Fail.

 

 

I was considering whether I should list my weekend fails or if I should just give a run down of the weekend- and then I realized they are one in the same.

 

Friday.

 

I started my day in the best way possible- posting a picture of my scale with my current weight on Facebook for my 936 friends to see.

 

Let me explain: I am in a secret Facebook group called 'Biggest Loser' with some friends. We are all trying to lose a few pounds and each Friday we post a picture of our scaled. Whoever loses the most weight at the end wins about $300.

 

Well, if posting it for all to see wasn't bad enough, a few people commented before I had time to take it down. No, they did not say 'Wow- great job! You still have a newborn." 3 people told me I should get a pedicure and one asshat told me I should join CrossFit.

 

Okay. I'll wait until both of  my girls take a nap at the same time (which they have never done) and I'll leave them at home and go get a pedicure. OR, I'll take them with me. I'm sure the nail ladies won't talk about me in Vietnamese.

 

And CrossFit? Um...I have a really hard time finding time to get on the exercise thing in my basement, let alone go throw some tires. So I engaged in a little Facebook fight with this guy- I won and he pulled our convo off of his page- hopefully because he felt like an ass.

 

So Friday started wonderfully and I felt great about myself.

 

Saturday

We were supposed to go out with our friends for a 30th birthday and my in-laws were going to watch the girls. I wanted to put L down for a late nap to start adjusting her to the time change that was going to happen. Oh, she adjusted. She adjusted by taking NO nap at all. She usually sleeps for 2-3 hours and Saturday- nothing. So she was in a great mood.

 

We went out to dinner, which was eh, and the whole time I was wishing I was with my other friends. And then my in-laws called to tell us C had been crying for an hour and a half. So we left. When I went to change C's diaper I realized they had put a 2yo's diaper on a 3 month old. What?

 

Sunday

 

I woke up exhausted because L had woken up 4 times Saturday night. I needed to get some work done so I left for an hour to sit at Starbucks and get some work done. I stood in line for 20 minutes to get a Chai, only to find out I left my wallet at home. No chai or chocolate chip cookie for me. And I had to sit at a table in the sun.

 

When I got home I confirmed my fears- Lil is sick. She was miserable all morning, and it was getting worse.

 

Lastly, after giving both girls a bath I decided to treat myself to a shower. Apparently our hot water heater can't handle 2 baths and 2 showers because my shower was cold after 2 minutes.

 

To Sum It Up

 

I started my weekend by telling 936 people how much I weigh and ended it in a cold shower

 

Now, if you don't mind...

 



2 kids in a Pumpkin

So I'm sure you've seen cute pictures of babies in pumpkins on Pinterest, right? Well, when L was born I decided I, too, would put my baby in a pumpkin. It was awful. She hated it and did not smile and I did not get a cute baby in a pumpkin picture.

Fast forward to last night. I thought "I have a baby. I must put her in a pumpkin." Well, we had the same response from baby #2.

C is on the left. L is on the right.

Weekend in Review

It's pretty sad, but for my first 'Weekend in Review' I really have nothing much to share. After my kid peed all over herself in the mall I had a pretty quiet weekend.

The one thing I did work on was getting baby C to sleep in her own damn room, and not in my bed. I really wouldn't mind, but she's like a heat-seeking missal and doesn't lay next to me, rather has to be attached to me while sleeping. Also, she is getting big. Below is a picture that I took around 4am a few weeks ago. Now she's much bigger and I'm getting pushed off the side of the bed. You can't see in the picture, but there is a bassinet attached to my side of the bed that she is supposed to sleep in, however, I usually end up sleeping half in the bassinet and half in my bed. Don't worry, my husband takes a sleeping pill and sleeps through the night just fine.

 

 

She hasn't been going down easily, but 2/3 nights she's only woken up one time, so I'm considering this a success.

 

 

Other than working on sleep we just hung out. My dad and grandfather were over yesterday to help N build the site for our shed. My grandmother came to hang out. I made a pot roast.

 

Okay. After typing this I realize my life is not exciting like a circus, rather it's as exciting as bingo at a nursing home.

 



A Little Karma

Our mall has a small indoor playground where L loves to play. It's usually pretty crowded and I don't feel overly clean while we're there, but sometimes she just needs to get some energy out.

A few weeks ago we were at the mall playground and there was a little boy with a stinky diaper. When I say stinky, I mean I could smell him even when he was nowhere near me. N (my husband) and I were very judgy. "Why doesn't his mother change him?"   "That's awful. I cannot believe she's letting him run around like that."   "Doesn't she smell him!"

Fast forward to last night. N needed to pick up a big saw from Sears, so we all went with him and ate a gourmet meal in the food court. Afterwards I took the girls to the playground while N went to pick up his saw (because who doesn't need a huge saw that is too big to fit through the basement door).

About 5 minutes into our playground adventure, L says "I peed." This isn't uncommon- while she refuses to potty train she likes to tell me after she's gone because she doesn't like being wet. But, this time, she pointed to her butt. Why? Because her diaper had turned itself into a thong and the pee had not stayed in the diaper. It was all over her.

Did I have a diaper with me? Of course not.
Did I have the car keys with me so I could get one? Of course not.
Was I going to trek both girls through the mall to look for N? Of course not.
Did I let her keep playing until N came back? Of course.
Did I immediately think of stinky kid? Yep.

Touché Stinky Kid, Touché.

How Did My Day Start?

When the committee reviews my application for "Mother of the Year 2013" I hope they only look at the cute pictures and light-hearted stories I send in. I really hope they don't ask my friends and family what really happens at my house.

How did my day start? A Golden Shower. If you don't know what that is- DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT google it.

This morning my husband peed on my 2 year old. Now, you'll need some more details as to not call CYS, but yes, that happened. Despite my half-assed potty training efforts, L is still not potty trained, though she is obsessed with being in the bathroom with whomever is using the potty. And she thinks toilet paper is there for her to rip off 5 pieces and pretend to blow her nose before throwing it in the toilet. So there my darling husband is, peeing, and here comes L's hand right through the stream of urine. Guess who got to clean her up?

This wouldn't be tooooo bad, but sadly, this isn't the first time L has gotten a sprinkle of pee pee from her father. When she was learning to walk she crawled between him and the toilet and stood up. Hubsters quickly stopped peeing, but drip-drip-drip- on her HEAD.

I like to let myself believe that these things happen to other people. I'm sure they do....right? Maybe just not to the people that I know. Or maybe they're just better at pretending they're good parents.

Hellooooooo

Well, hello! People have told me that in order to blog, I just need to get started and see what happens: So here goes nothing!

A little ramble about myself: I live in the suburbs of a big city. I love my neighborhood. I have 2 daughters, though I always thought I would have a houseful of sons. I met my husband the first week I was away at college- when I applied for housing I picked the only dorm that had guys and girls on the same floor- it worked! I've been married for 4 years. I have 1 sister who is awesome, but drives me nuts. I am SUPER close with my grandparents. I have really great friends. I am very sarcastic. I am a teacher- I taught 2nd grade for 4 years and when I go back to work I'll be in my 3rd year of middle school (aka hell).


My mother in law told me I should start a blog a few years ago. I looked at her like she had 3 heads because obviously if I was going to blog I'd be writing about her at some point, but I guess that never occurred to her. I have been staying home with my girls since I had baby C back in July. I have been 'blogging' in my head for months (aka talking to myself) and so I've decided it might be time to put my thoughts in print so I can feel less crazy.

A few of my friends have blogs and I'm now proud to be a follower and start one of my own. I can't promise much, but you get what you pay for.